Book Review - The Children’s Horror: Cursed Episodes for Doomed Adults by Patrick Barb (2024)
Northern Republic
It’s challenging to describe what I like so much about Patrick Barb’s work, mainly because his writing carries this subtle mania that I’ve never encountered in another author’s work. I’ve been reading horror fiction for nearly three decades, and stories tend to have a comfortable rhythm where once I settle into the narrative, I can identify which of the dozen or so arcs ninety-nine percent of short stories fall into. Barb’s work rarely hits such familiar notes, and I’m often pleasantly clueless about where the story is ultimately going for some time, and can count on nothing apart from the eventual subversion of any primordial expectations which have formed.
Patrick shoots for the moon in his fiction, finding no idea too niche or outlandish. He doesn’t always stick the landing, but his sheer willingness to try original story ideas and discard what is familiar or safe makes him one of my must-read early-career authors of today. His work is perpetually interesting, and there’s no other modern author I know of who is so natural when creating absurdist scenes from which abrupt, instinctive menace arises. Barb can find horror in any setting, and does.
“It flops forward like a puppet with a fresh hand up its felt ass.”
The Children’s Horror opens and closes with a frame story, with the nine entries between each loosely inspired by a television program that Patrick watched with his kids during the pandemic. As with Pre-Approved for Haunting, Barb handles a themed collection adeptly, using the concept as a narrative springboard for his unique brand of dark fiction without allowing it to become too restrictive or defining. Being a parent to a young child myself, I grinned more than once as I recognized the original inspiration for certain entries, and will never be able to watch cartoons with my daughter again without thinking of how much more fun all of this could be.
As to the stories collectively, The Children’s Horror carries a surprising amount of dread, and while the creative hallmarks of Barb are here, I found the collection as a whole is darker and more disturbing than his earlier work. It could be a new chapter for his writing, or simply something he’s working out of his system, but fans of his past work should come to this collection prepared for something a bit new. Ultimately, I came away feeling like I had read the source material for a dozen episodes of The Twilight Zone which were turned down for being too grisly–intending that comparison in the best way possible.
The individual stories tend to be a touch bewildering at the outset, dropping the reader into an adventure or conflict which is already in progress, with the protagonist balancing making sense of their surroundings while moving toward a goal that is still emerging. While all carry Barb’s recognized brand of bizarre humor and consciously hammy descriptions, they tend to spiral out into emotional extremes by the end, and tragically more often than not. Most include a moment where the record scratches, and the stories veer into a more unstable vibe as they careen toward conclusion.
“…a brassy woman with sunburn cleavage the color of tomato skin, twisted bottles open with callused hands like cellophane-wrapped meat.”
While the collection as a whole is very strong, I feel the following entries were the real stand-outs:
Two Rare Specimens
Twin brothers capture their childhood closet monster in a bid to cross into the realm of nightmares and rescue a lost child. Goonishly fun and ripe with cool details and layered twists, this story effectively translates a child’s perception of monsters to adult eyes. Barb at some of his most ghoulish and clever.
Your Selkie Lover
The most well-crafted and mindfully written story in the collection, a woman in a crumbling marriage takes to the sea only to find love in the arms of a legendary creature. Really strong voice paired with a clear idea, and I think this is possibly the most emotionally-resonant pieces I’ve read from Barb. One of my favorite short stories of the year.
The Dogcatcher
Weird Twilight Zone-style story about a man who awakens to a city where humans and dogs are inverted in their societal position. Really spins out brilliantly at the end, and is a fine example of how Barb can juxtapose potentially conflicting elements to create sudden escalations of dread.
The Shark in Her Belly
A young boy’s fears about his mother's pregnancy reshape their lives. This story more than many others captures the imagination of youth, and how it can tip over the edge unexpectedly. One of the most visceral endings to a short story in recent memory.
While the collection is exceptional overall, there were a few stories that didn’t quite work for me. Tales like The Middle Sister’s New Situation and The Secret Society of Schrodinger's Children were interesting concepts, but I feel ultimately tried to do a bit too much for their short spans, and came away a touch muddled or faltering. Admittedly, both are pretty ambitious short stories. I appreciate Barb’s willingness to shoot for the moon with ideas like this, and suspect he’ll perfect this type of slightly too-clever story as his career progresses.
Final Thoughts
The Children’s Horror reminded me of the incredible power of a child’s mind to steamroll borders with which it is not yet acquainted. My mind has several decades of calcification since I could feel that expansiveness and capacity for richness myself, but this collection reminded me of what my brain was once capable of: creating a more brilliant reality wherein the rules of existence bent to my child’s understanding, and there were no barriers save for those I had already crashed into. Triumphs were impossibly complete, and terrors hopelessly consuming. All in all, it’s a fantastic collection, and I think very promising step up for Patrick Barb.
Score: 8.1
Strengths:
Fun balance of humor and horror
Remarkable creativity and originality throughout–I love how Barb wrangles narratives
Makes the most of its foundational theme
Feels like an evolution in Barb’s writing, and we’re going to get something truly incredible sooner or later
Clay McLeod Chapman wrote the foreword, er, forewarning!
Weaknesses
Some stories contain a bit too many elements, and feel like cool concepts that perhaps weren’t as substantive as they needed to be
Readers may struggle to balance constructing the past with absorbing the present, and many stories in this collection pick up in the middle with a lot happening
Theme may not connect with all readers
You can purchase The Children’s Horror: Cursed Episodes for Doomed Adults on Amazon, with other outlets forthcoming.
You may also like: Pre-Approved for Haunting, The Last Day, Whisper Down the Lane
