Film Review: V/H/S 99 (2022)
Shudder
(this review contains minor spoilers.)
When V/H/S/94 came out a couple of years ago, I had mixed feelings. I was afraid we were going to see another instance of Paranormal Activity, where a more-or-less solid opening trilogy gave way to perpetual sequels of diminishing quality. I’m glad to say that this isn’t the case (...yet) and V/H/S/99 actually shows a marked improvement over V/H/S/94 in terms of writing, production, and execution.
As you probably know, the V/H/S series films are typically composed of a frame story where a person or people find a cache of old VHS tapes and begin watching them, and the individual recordings of the anthology are the real content of the film. These fictional tapes are often found illegally, either during a burglary or on a piece of stolen storage, but that element is just present to add a sinister air to the films and provide some background. V/H/S/99 cans this entire idea, instead using an increasingly bizarre production about toy army men to divide the various recordings.
Shredding
The first short opens with the SoCal teenage band members of R.A.C.K. who play very basic punk rock and like to make videos of themselves doing stupid things. As someone who did these exact things at that age, albeit a few years later than the film shows, this felt very familiar and pulled all of my nostalgia levers.
For their next round of hijinx, R.A.C.K. plan to visit the Colony Underground, a burned out club where the popular all-female punk band, Bitch Cat, were trampled and burned to death during a fire three years earlier. The members of R.A.C.K. are hoping to find some leftover relics of the local legends, record some footage, and perhaps prank each other in ways that only teenagers would find funny.
Throughout the setup the members of the band are insistently dickish and mildly racist toward Ankur, the one non-white member of the band who is also the only one concerned about disturbing the spirits of those who died in the space. Both the playful racism and constant dogging felt very much of-the-time, and I approved of the creator’s decision to include this because it made the short feel much more authentic, but be aware of this aspect if it’s something you’re sensitive to.
Shortly after arriving at Colony Underground, the band plays a song on the old stage and–as this is a VHS movie–revives the ghouls of the Bitch Cat who proceed to kill them.
That’s it. That’s the whole short. It closes with a shot of R.A.C.K.’s broken corpses playing a song like a cast of shattered marionettes. It felt a little sudden and flat, the promise it created at the outset was squandered. It's unfortunate, because everything else about this segment was promising.
Segment ranking: 5th of 5
Suicide Bid
The next segment centers on a young woman named Lily who is desperately seeking admission to a particular sorority. The only problem is that in order to become a pledge, the sorority sisters require that Lily spend a full night in a coffin, as a local legend details the story of another sorority aspirant who did the same and was carried off to Hell by a demon. It’s a pretty neat urban legend, and probably way more interesting than what Greek organizations force pledges to do in real life.
This segment has some real tension, as Lily’s coffin is first infested with spiders, and then slowly flooded by rain. Before she can drown, the legendary spirit shows up and presumably takes Lily to Hell. We convene the next morning with the sorority sisters standing over Lily’s flooded grave, panicking about what to do. I won’t spoil what comes next, but it’s satisfying and fun, and this segment alone makes V/H/S/99 worth a watch.
Segment ranking: 1st of 5
Ozzy’s Dungeon
This segment opens with a gameshow very reminiscent of Legends of the Hidden Temple, and the entirety of its effectiveness may be dependent on whether or not you are of an age appropriate to be familiar with this 90s property. It shows a snarky host driving kids through an obviously dangerous set of obstacle challenges. It’s slapstick and offensive to our modern sensibilities, but that’s what makes the segment immediately fun.
When a young girl, Donna, is seriously hurt and loses the show, we cut back from the footage to learn we were watching an old recording, and that the real story here is that Donna’s mother has kidnapped the host and now intends to force him through a series of obstacles that mirror the original course, but with far more dangerous hazards. It’s the most absurd and impractical form of street justice, but it made me grin in real life.
This segment was kind of fun, but was maybe a bit too silly for VHS, which has generally gone darker than this. The ending takes a hard turn into cosmic horror which may not work for a lot of viewers, but I enjoyed it well enough.
Segment ranking: 3rd of 5
The Gawkers
This is another one that feels very much of the time, as a group of horny teenage boys install spyware on their attractive neighbor’s (Emily Sweet, of 2020’s Castle Freak) webcam. You can probably write the rest from there–it turns out that the young lady isn’t what she appears to be, and she subsequently finds out about their little intrusion and takes revenge.
This one was dragged a little until the finale, which was a decent payoff.
Segment ranking: 4th of 5
To Hell and Back
If you’ve seen the utterly brilliant Deadsteam, you’re probably already excited for this one. I believe I once called it the Hot Fuzz of horror, which isn’t the best comparison, but it should give you an idea of how highly I regard that film.
A botched demonic summoning transports two cultists into the realm of Hell, where they have to find the demon their group intended to summon and hopefully hitch a ride back to earth. They stumble around the infernal plane encountering horrors hilarious and terrifying in equal measure, eventually being guided by a woman named Mabel the Skull Biter, a wonderful Gollum-esque character who leads them to the demon they seek. This one is entertaining from start to finish, and if I didn’t favor tension over comedic value, I might put it first.
Segment ranking: 2nd of 5
All in all, V/H/S 99 is a great return to form for the series, and I hope we see this level of quality carry on into the just-announced V/H/S 85. The segments weren’t especially scary, but they were universally fun. Each piece of the anthology does feel genuinely authentic to 1999, and I appreciate how much effort went into this particular aspect.
Verdict: 6/10
Strengths
No complete duds, a rarity for a VHS anthology
Good variety of tone
Features some great new horror directors
Weaknesses
I’m not sure I’ll be able to recall these segments a year from now
Opens on its weakest offering
You can watch V/H/S 99 on Shudder.
You may also like: the rest of the VHS series
